Clumsiness – My Personal Art Form

The misfortune of being clumsy, is often interoperated as act, a thing people often believe is displayed for comedic effect. Well perhaps in some people’s cases it may be! However if you are unfortunate enough to have inherited the curse of an inherent lack of coordination, simple tasks create a battlefield for achieving embarrassment avoidance. As trust me, spilling a glass of red wine, sober, over a white dress is not something I intentionally wish to endure, ever again!


Daily life acts as a playing field that facilitates clumsiness. Throughout my time as a student it has been acceptable to wear the same dress for a week, even though it fell victim to Monday night’s spag bol, purely because it is navy blue and you can hardly notice the stain. However as I enter into the world of the ‘young professional’, embarrassing myself daily, in the workplace is not a viable option for success. Therefore the forthcoming summer months provide me time to train and practice overcoming an ever growing list of daily challenges.

For starters, the high pitched voice and the ability to ooze social awkwardness, paired with clumsiness, often leads to people believing that your drunk when stone cold sober. Trust me spilling things when drunk is a whole different game, I mean you are at least 80% more likely to get away with it. Holding every drink as if it was a two handed baby cup, is the safest bet to avoiding spillages. As clumsiness takes butter fingers to a whole new level! Whoever invented the five second rule, I salute you!

The lack of controllability in regards to limbs, put’s not only you, but your friends and any surrounding miscellaneous objects at risk! Stemming from the un-functional relationship between hand and eye, is the misfortune of making poor reaction decisions. I mean it is forever engraved into life biography that the first ever goal I scored in a match for the university’s water polo team was an own one! Mishaps such as this have led to the word sorry, becoming the most heavily used in my vocabulary.

When walking along the street it is of guarantee that any small crack, nook or cranny will be found by a pair of size 6, flat feet. Highly increasing the probability of an unexpected trip, I mean the amount of postcards I have sent from the pavements of Newcastle has hit double figures (at least).

In order to successfully avoid making a fool of myself on a daily basis, I conclude that I need to master the art of recovery. Attempting to subtly recover the highly embarrassing clumsy act just performed in it’s self is an art form. Its all in the face, it is highly likely, that my own facial expressions highlight further the clumsy mishap that has just occurred. Therefore here is to a summer of practicing the poker face and pretending that nothing ever happened.

But aside from the embarrassment, the shame and the bruises, being clumsy causes, your friends always have that option of laughing at you as well as with you! Creating those situations and contributing to the memories that will never be forgotten.
So cheers for one thing clumsiness, providing laughs that make stomachs hurt!


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